At the heart of sex is an odd, almost Zen-like irony: In order to perform your best, you mustn't try too hard. You've got to relax, get out of your body's way and just let it happen by itself. But when your body is wracked with stress, tension and anxiety, and your mind is wracked with worry and distractions, sweet sex is nearly impossible. You wind up having sex as a way of releasing stress: lovemaking as aerobics class. And that's just not the way it's supposed to be.

"Stress and fatigue are probably the most common barriers to good sex in a world of two-paycheck families, tough economic times and our own expectation that we can still 'have it all,' A sex therapist, clinical psychologist and director of the Stress Management and Counseling Center in New York City. "These days I see a tremendous number of people suffering from what I call 'disarousal' - disorders of arousal, or low sexual desire, caused by the exhaustion, worry and distractions of a stressful life. "